Negotiation Checklist
A negotiation checklist is a structured list of activities, preferences, and boundaries that partners work through during negotiation before BDSM play. It is one of the most practical tools in kink, especially for new partners or people exploring unfamiliar territory.
What a Checklist Covers
A standard negotiation checklist presents a range of BDSM activities and asks each person to rate their interest. Ratings might be as simple as yes, no, and maybe, or as detailed as a numbered scale from "hard no" to "enthusiastic yes." Good checklists go beyond activities to include health concerns, emotional triggers, aftercare needs, and communication preferences.
The value of a checklist is coverage. People forget things. They feel awkward bringing up certain topics. A checklist puts everything on the table systematically, so nothing gets skipped because someone was too nervous or too polite to mention it. Our limits guide explains how to think about boundaries before filling one out.
How to Use One
The best approach is for each partner to fill out the checklist independently, then sit down and compare answers. This avoids the dynamic where one person's response influences the other in real time. Where interests overlap, you have a starting point for play. Where they diverge, you have a starting point for conversation. Understanding the difference between hard limits and soft limits makes those conversations more productive.
A negotiation checklist is a conversation starter, not a final agreement. It surfaces topics. The real negotiation happens in the discussion that follows.
Templates and Tools
You can find negotiation checklists ranging from simple one-page lists to detailed multi-category spreadsheets. Our kink list tool works as an interactive negotiation checklist that you can fill out and share with a partner. For a full walkthrough of the negotiation process, see our negotiation guide. Whatever format you choose, the point is the same: be thorough, be honest, and revisit it regularly.